Africa (Commonwealth Union) _ Rwandan social media has been abuzz with heated discussions around a single, provocative question: Who is the rightful head of the household? The topic was sparked by a feminist activist who, when contacted by a public office, was asked if it was her partner’s home, implying her husband’s primacy in the household. Her view? The caller should have acknowledged her as the head of her own household.
This ignited a predictable wave of responses. Patriarchal defenders leaned heavily on two arguments: religion and culture. Refrains such as “men and women can never be equal” and “everyone has their responsibilities” surfaced, highlighting deep-rooted gender expectations. While religious and cultural beliefs have long shaped gender roles, Rwanda’s shifting economic and social landscape demands a fresh conversation about household leadership.
Christianity’s introduction in Rwanda in the early 20th century led to a redefinition of marital dynamics. Traditionally, husbands became known as umutware (chief or lord) and wives as umufasha (helper). This terminology re-emphasized male authority and introduced a hierarchy foreign to pre-colonial Rwandan society. Famed Rwandan singer Shanel Nirere captures this tension in her song Ndabaza Sindega, describing the “helper’s” duties that often resemble servitude more than partnership.
Today, however, household leadership is largely defined by two functions: financial provision and decision-making. With many Rwandan women now assuming both roles—earning income and leading families—why is the idea of a woman as the household head still contentious? Rwanda’s constitution states that both husband and wife are heads of the household, underscoring equality, yet some still argue otherwise. The persistent belief that household leadership is inherently male reveals lingering biases, even in a country where women now often own more land than men and legally hold equal rights.
This tension speaks to a broader, ongoing struggle within feminism. Some critics argue that feminism aims for female superiority over equality, yet calling for equal recognition in household leadership is far from superiority; it is a call for acknowledgment. Addressing both partners as household heads isn’t about one gender’s dominance but about balanced respect.
For women who embrace the title umufasha, it’s a personal choice, yet there should be no expectation for others to adopt this role. Rwanda has come too far to backtrack on the hard-won rights of its women. Public officials and the public alike should look to the constitution, which clearly states that both partners are household heads. Moving forward, Rwanda’s progress hinges on honoring this mutual leadership, marking a path toward a truly inclusive society.
