Children spend more time with their siblings than with anyone else, including parents and friends. And over a lifetime, siblings are often the people with whom an individual will ultimately share the most years. Siblings are most people’s longest-lasting relationships—from early in childhood through old age. This means in most cases they can understand you in ways other people cannot.
The sibling relationship has the ability to uniquely shape a child’s behavior, adjustment, and well-being, for better or worse.
Into adulthood, siblings keep influencing one another’s mental health and well-being. Warm sibling relationships—those with more affection and intimacy and less conflict—are a source of material and emotional support, with the power to protect against loneliness and depression. But research shows that fraught sibling relations are associated with a host of negative outcomes in adulthood, including depressive symptoms and substance use.
The attachment theory (An attachment theory is a psychological, evolutionary, and ethological theory concerning relationships between humans) used to describe an infant’s relationship to a primary caregiver may also be applied to siblings. If an infant finds an older sibling to be responsive and sees him or her as a source of comfort, a supportive bond may form.
On the contrary, a negative bond may form if the older sibling acts in an aggressive, neglectful, or otherwise negative manner. Sibling attachment is further accentuated in the absence of a primary caregiver when the younger sibling must rely on the older one for security and support. Even as siblings age and develop, their relationships have considerable stability from infancy through middle childhood, during which positive and negative interactions remain constant in frequency.
The nature of sibling relationships changes from childhood to adolescence. While young adolescents often provide one another with warmth and support, sibling relationships remain important well into the adult years. Though siblings may interact less frequently as they get older, some research suggests that they may start getting along better in young adulthood.
Parents can help improve these critical relationships from the beginning. According to family researchers, one of the most important things parents can do early on is to avoid behavior that can be seen as favoring one child over another. Children are keen observers of how they are treated differently from their brothers or sisters.
The presence of favoritism, even if you are the favored one, can cause competition and conflict. Perceptions of favoritism also exacerbate conflict during times of stress, such as when caring for parents later in life.
To avoid this major source of conflict, parents should regularly consider if they are creating a fair environment to all their kids equally. Parents should avoid comparing siblings or setting them up to compete with one another and they should try not to take sides when siblings argue. Parents should also proactively coach young children on how to get along, according to psychologists. When siblings are left to sort out problems on their own, they are likely to continue fighting—and that unresolved conflict can intensify, potentially leading to sibling bullying or aggression. However sibling relationship is very important to build mentally and physically strong individuals.
