Jealousy isn’t necessarily an unhealthy emotion every time but there are ways to handle it more constructively. At times, you may get jealous in relationships. Jealousy is a very natural emotion that many people experience at some point in their lives. Both men and women get jealous in different circumstances. Research suggests that jealousy is not inherently a bad thing.
Ways to deal with jealousy
- Identify your insecurities
Be real with ourselves about what our insecurities are, where they come from, what we do to keep them alive, and what we could potentially start doing to transform them into secure bases of existence. To do this, you can journal, meditate, or speak with a therapist. A mental health professional can help you identify the root of your jealousy and how to overcome it.
- Communicate openly with someone you trust
Opening up about your feelings of jealousy can give the person you trust the opportunity to understand where the feelings are coming from and adjust your behavior to help you feel more secure within situations.
- Let go of judgment
Jealousy has a bad reputation, but it is not always a negative feeling. Try to stop judging jealousy as a “bad” or “wrong” way to feel because it is neither. Jealousy sends us a message about the unhealed parts of ourselves. The defensive behaviors we exhibit to protect us from feeling jealous are usually what makes us feel bad or wrong. But the feeling itself is actually a useful tool for us to get to know ourselves better.
Allow yourself the space to be a human, which often means feeling things we don’t want to feel and having thoughts we don’t want to have. While it is a universal experience, the context and nuance is unique for each of us. Get to know your jealousy roots and stories. Try to do it with compassionate curiosity instead of judgment.
- Try self-therapy exercises
Especially if your jealousy comes from toxic past relationships or traumatic situations, coping exercises might help you manage the negative feelings associated with jealousy.
You might find some of these practices helpful whenever you start to feel jealous:
Emotional freedom techniques (EFT), or tapping
Repeating positive affirmations
Exposure therapy (e.g., entering settings that provoke jealousy to promote desensitization versus trying to control or avoid situations)
Grounding exercises
Trust building exercises
If your jealous tendencies adversely impact your relationships, career, or life, consider speaking with a therapist will be advantageous. Learning how to manage jealousy in a healthy way may take time and effort, but it is possible and it is never too late.
